The first week of a new life

I am writing this on the seventh day of my and my kids new life. I left my husband on Monday November 29, 2009. I can never explain why I finally decided to leave but all I can say is that I just knew the time had come. The first week was okay, a lot of emotions everyday all day. Jeremy cried almost everyday, he is so torn between his dad and me. I gave him and Alex the choice of staying with ruben and Jeremy wanted to stay but because of some of Ruben actions Jeremy had second thoughts. Alex did not have to think about it he was going with me. The little ones loved staying with grandma, but I really don't think they understand that I will not be going home with them and there dad. Today I realized that I have actually spent more than half of my life with Ruben. I have built everything I have, I am, I know, around our life. It hurts to know that I have left all of that. That is the reason why I know that it was time for me to leave. Because I missed everything materialistic. I did not miss my husband, I do miss the being of someone but that has long time been. I know that I won't be sad forever, I just wonder how long does it hurt. Will I ever find someone that Loves me or that I can love? I am willing to take that chaince.