Day # 10

Met with Ruben yesterday and had lunch. The lunch was really good, it was a baked potato with butter, sour cream, cilatro and topped with small chunks of really good meat. Anyway, we had a really good talk and some really good sex too. The best in ages. And then we had a lot more good talking. We talked about our bads and goods. The best part about it was that there was no expectations. I told him I was afraid that these actions would cause him to have false hope between us.

There are so many things I wish I could answer for him as well as me. Why is it that I still care, or is it just habit. It doesn't bother me one bit to leave him and the house. What does that mean? I feel so burdened when I go back to the house. Why? Its like I want him to go this weekend with us out of town, but yet I don't, I feel like I would way too much stress on me having to worry about him. I like doing my own thing without have to tell someone what Im doing where Im going and who Im going to be with. Why does it seem to be so stress free here at my moms house, especially with 7 people living in a 800 square foot home. I don't know, but I need to find out. after all of this talking, I did promise that I would not give up on us so easily but one thing I was not going to do was move back in the house. So here we all are still living at my moms lovely little house.