We had are annual family Christmas party this week end. I felt displaced going with out Ruben. Everything is a first for me. After getting there and visiting with my family things inside seem to be relaxed. Always felt like something was missing and I finally figured out what it was. It was the constant worry that was missing. When I figured that out, I tried to fix it as much as I could. The kids and I had a great time. I saw some old friends, Jeremy got to go hunting for the first time. He thought he was all big and bad because he had a gun. He got to experience the killing and skinning of a wild hog. He said he had lots of fun. Its funny though he says, when he is riding his bike he keeps looking around and thinking a wild hog is after him...lol. What a city boy. At the party I think we all has sad moments because we are missing my Uncle John and my Aunt Betty, which past away this year. They are dearly missed. Came home Sunday and after unpacking the car, I took the kids over to their dad's house. I stayed for a little bit, but low and behold when I started to ask him about the arrangements for Christmas he just went bonkers on me. Telling me that I will eventually be just like his x-wife and so we started to argue and then I left. Well, now to day is Tuesday and we have decided that for Christmas I will come over and they can open there presents at Rubens house. I really hope that goes well.

Well I have 2 1/2 more days until my 2 week break...yeah ! Everyday gets easier, but it does help that we are on talking grounds. And it definitely does help not being involved with someone else. That would take up too much energy and time. I don't need another emotional roller coaster.